Turning Weather Signals A Unique Annual Tradition
It’s that time of year, folks. The leaves are starting to turn; the morning air is crisper; and evening is coming sooner. That’s right, it’s time for me to buy the season’s first tube of Blistex®.
Ah, Blistex lip ointment. The perfect blend of dimethicone, camphor, menthol, and phenol. Mmmm. It makes my lips feel good just thinking about it. I just noticed on the ingredients it says it includes “flavors.” I’m not really sure just what flavor that is, but I’m pretty sure Cookies –n– Blistex would not be a top seller at Baskin Robbins.
Those readers paying attention will note I said it was time to buy the season’s first tube. That is because in any given season, which I feel stretches from the first twinge of a chapped lip—usually cracking sometime in late September or early October—to the first sign of over-moisturization—squishing onto the scene in early May, I go through no fewer than four tubes of Blistex.
Now I do liberally apply the ointment, and I am always willing to share my tube with others, (by “others” I mean “attractive women whom I can then pretend I have kissed via the childhood property of ‘electricity’”), but neither is the problem here. The problem is that I am utterly incapable of holding onto a tube of Blistex for more than 10 days.
Without fail, by Day Ten of Tube One, it is gone. Missing. Nowhere to be found. And I mean nowhere. I don’t mean, “I left it in the car and it’s too cold to run out and get it right now.” I mean, “I have searched every jacket and pants pocket and the little bastard is gone.” So I give it a day or two. I steal Chap-Stick® from my kids (sometimes returning it, sometimes losing it) and then break down and buy Replacement Blistex Tube Number One. Usually by Day Five of Replacement Tube One, Original Tube One reappears. But that’s okay, Replacement Tube One only has another four or five days on the scene before it too goes missing. And then the cycle repeats itself.
One time, by mid-December I had three tubes in circulation, and then I pulled out an old winter coat I hadn’t worn the prior season. I found two more tubes in the coat (interior breast zippered pocket and standard side pocket). That was a good year—with five tubes in circulation you would assume I made it all the way to Spring without rebuying. Yeah, you would be wrong. That season seven tubes were put in play, including the two from Seasons Past.
My wife, understanding and compassionate partner that she is, has told me she is done with me and my Blistex problems. She boycotts the product, will not buy it for herself or me, and further, only grudgingly shares her lip ointment of choice with me during one of the in between periods where my Active Tube is MIA and my Replacement Tube is TBA (To Be Acquired).
But this year, this Blistex Season of 2006-2007, I have decided to show her. I am going to buy a Blistex tube and use it and keep it safe until it is empty. Then I will make her go with me to purchase a new tube and ceremoniously throw out the expended, twisted, folded, crushed up Original Tube. It will be both interesting and gratifying and I will document the campaign here on these pages. So stay tuned for my Blistex Chronicles, and if you happen to see my tube of Blistex somewhere, let me know.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: In an interesting turn of the screw I wrote this entry on September 22, then went out and purchased Blistex Tube Number One the following day. As is the case with all of my blog entries, I let them sit for a day or so before posting them so I can reread them and edit them. And now, as I get ready to post this self challenge four days later, I must report that Blistex Tube Number One, after literally one use, is gone. Missing. Nowhere to be found. And, as noted above, I mean nowhere. I’ll give the bastard two more days, then I’m calling in Replacement Tube Number One. Don’t tell my wife.
718 words
It’s that time of year, folks. The leaves are starting to turn; the morning air is crisper; and evening is coming sooner. That’s right, it’s time for me to buy the season’s first tube of Blistex®.
Ah, Blistex lip ointment. The perfect blend of dimethicone, camphor, menthol, and phenol. Mmmm. It makes my lips feel good just thinking about it. I just noticed on the ingredients it says it includes “flavors.” I’m not really sure just what flavor that is, but I’m pretty sure Cookies –n– Blistex would not be a top seller at Baskin Robbins.
Those readers paying attention will note I said it was time to buy the season’s first tube. That is because in any given season, which I feel stretches from the first twinge of a chapped lip—usually cracking sometime in late September or early October—to the first sign of over-moisturization—squishing onto the scene in early May, I go through no fewer than four tubes of Blistex.
Now I do liberally apply the ointment, and I am always willing to share my tube with others, (by “others” I mean “attractive women whom I can then pretend I have kissed via the childhood property of ‘electricity’”), but neither is the problem here. The problem is that I am utterly incapable of holding onto a tube of Blistex for more than 10 days.
Without fail, by Day Ten of Tube One, it is gone. Missing. Nowhere to be found. And I mean nowhere. I don’t mean, “I left it in the car and it’s too cold to run out and get it right now.” I mean, “I have searched every jacket and pants pocket and the little bastard is gone.” So I give it a day or two. I steal Chap-Stick® from my kids (sometimes returning it, sometimes losing it) and then break down and buy Replacement Blistex Tube Number One. Usually by Day Five of Replacement Tube One, Original Tube One reappears. But that’s okay, Replacement Tube One only has another four or five days on the scene before it too goes missing. And then the cycle repeats itself.
One time, by mid-December I had three tubes in circulation, and then I pulled out an old winter coat I hadn’t worn the prior season. I found two more tubes in the coat (interior breast zippered pocket and standard side pocket). That was a good year—with five tubes in circulation you would assume I made it all the way to Spring without rebuying. Yeah, you would be wrong. That season seven tubes were put in play, including the two from Seasons Past.
My wife, understanding and compassionate partner that she is, has told me she is done with me and my Blistex problems. She boycotts the product, will not buy it for herself or me, and further, only grudgingly shares her lip ointment of choice with me during one of the in between periods where my Active Tube is MIA and my Replacement Tube is TBA (To Be Acquired).
But this year, this Blistex Season of 2006-2007, I have decided to show her. I am going to buy a Blistex tube and use it and keep it safe until it is empty. Then I will make her go with me to purchase a new tube and ceremoniously throw out the expended, twisted, folded, crushed up Original Tube. It will be both interesting and gratifying and I will document the campaign here on these pages. So stay tuned for my Blistex Chronicles, and if you happen to see my tube of Blistex somewhere, let me know.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: In an interesting turn of the screw I wrote this entry on September 22, then went out and purchased Blistex Tube Number One the following day. As is the case with all of my blog entries, I let them sit for a day or so before posting them so I can reread them and edit them. And now, as I get ready to post this self challenge four days later, I must report that Blistex Tube Number One, after literally one use, is gone. Missing. Nowhere to be found. And, as noted above, I mean nowhere. I’ll give the bastard two more days, then I’m calling in Replacement Tube Number One. Don’t tell my wife.
718 words
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