Whose Fault?

The 2011 Stanley Cup playoffs got underway last night and my Washington Capitals pulled off a nerve-racking victory over the New York Rangers in overtime of game 1. I wasn't at the game, but I'll be at game 2 on Friday. Even though I wasn't there, I know the energy in the building was palpable. In addition, I also know, despite not being in attendance, that the Caps fans performed one of the stupidest, most annoying, and by the way, grammatically incorrect, cheers in professional sports.

They always do. And I'm sorry to say, I think it originates in my section.

Here's what happens: The Caps score. A few seconds later, the public address announcer officially reports the goal – who scored it, who got the assists, and the time of the goal. (And he says it twice, by the way. Something we'll deal with another time.) Then, as soon as he is done, a handful of fans – I'll guess 100 throughout the arena – stand up and with a visual cue from the Head Moron, count out the goals the Caps have scored in the game. If it was the first goal, they shout, "one," if it's the third goal, the count out, "one, two, three," and then they point at the opposing goalie and proclaim: "all your fault!"

Anyone with a third grade education can already see the grammatical problem. "All your fault," is kind of what they call a sentence fragment. They could fix it by adding an "it's," or a "they're." I'd even accept it if they used emphasis, hitting the "your," as in, "you know all those goals we just counted out for you? Well, they're all YOUR fault."

Okay, that's the first problem.

The second problem, and this is something my then seven-year old (soccer) goal keeper daughter pointed out, sometimes, it's not the goalie's fault. Sometimes the defense breaks down, coughs up a loose puck, miscommunicates, or even scores an own goal. Why is that the goalie's fault? How about, "one, two, three, mostly your fault!"

Wait, it gets stupider. We've been there when the Caps have gone on a scoring streak, lighting a goalie up for 3 goals on just a few shots. The visiting team pulls their goalie and sends in the back up. Then the Caps score again. And the count starts from one. If I were that goalie, I'd skate over to the Head Counting Moron in Charge and say, "hey, man, I let that last one in, but those other three? That other guy on the bench – he let those in. Don't put those on me." Perhaps, "one, two, three, that guy's fault, and four, your fault!"

There's another problem. And this is really a general problem I have with most "passionate" sports fans. They often lack a reality filter. They run their mouths when they shouldn't. Perhaps it's that I married into Red Sox nation where superstition is the norm; where counting your chickens before they're hatched is akin to cannibalism. Perhaps it's just that I'm not a moron – counting or otherwise. But when your team is losing, let's say, 4 to nothing, and you score a lone goal. The counting taunt just seems silly.

There's a time and place for most things, but I'm pretty sure there's no place for taunting a hockey goalie who is beating you soundly.

"No, man, we're getting inside his head," a counting moron might say. Well, no you aren't. First, he can't actually hear you. Second, even if he could, I've never heard a professional athlete in any sport say anything other than that home fan taunts psych them up and energize them to perform even better.

If you really want to taunt a goalie, and not sound like a dolt doing it, I think you must look back to look forward. Go back to the old school goalie taunt where after he lets one in the whole building slowly chant his name, syllable by syllable – now that's a good one.

"Luuuund-kvist, Luuuund-kvist."

I wouldn't mind hearing that tomorrow night. And since I believe that chant was started by Ranger fans at Madison Square Garden, maybe we can help make our guests feel more at home.